Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Job interview today, Knoxville on Monday, School on Wednesday, turning the big 2-2 on the 16th...

There's a lump in my throat, and I'm overwhelmed with fear and pessimism that I've got it all wrong. I need new music and a long drive so that I can just get out there and confront myself with all of these feelings that I nonchalantly cast aside month ago.

From my experience, there are two kinds of boys: boys that break your heart and boys that break your faith.

Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about the latter.

These days I'm in a constant state of inadequacy...feeling like no matter where I am or who I am with, I'm lacking something to contribute.

I'm the "Ms. Right Now" to every guy I meet, but I have this fear that I will never gain what I need to evolve into "Ms. Right."

I get anxious in social situations, and every time I meet a new guy I want to run away. I'm having such a hard time breaking down these barriers that I built...

I watched Nights in Rodanthe with the girls last night, and I appreciate that love can exist in movies and books. I also just finished reading Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin which was a quick read and guilty pleasure, and both of these have recently sparked some sense of emotion that gives me hope.

I still dream of lighthouses and sailboats,
so maybe not all is lost.

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