Thursday, January 21, 2010

From the book Bless Me, Ultima

"Love life, and if despair enters your heart, look for me in the evenings
when the wind is gentle and the owls sing in the hills.
I shall be with you." -Ultima

Friday, January 8, 2010

Lessons From Oprah

There is something to be said for Oprah being one of the most influential women in the world.
Today on and episode about women finding out their spouses have secrets, she
references a lesson by Maya Angelou in which she says,
"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Oprah elaborates by saying that once someone lies, accept them as a liar. Once someone cheats, accept them as someone with the capability to cheat again, etc.

If only more women could accept that, I feel like everyone would be a little bit stronger and a little bit happier.

Parents do not have it figured out.

Unsupportive, condescending, and discouraging.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe

A Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe:

"Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Job interview today, Knoxville on Monday, School on Wednesday, turning the big 2-2 on the 16th...

There's a lump in my throat, and I'm overwhelmed with fear and pessimism that I've got it all wrong. I need new music and a long drive so that I can just get out there and confront myself with all of these feelings that I nonchalantly cast aside month ago.

From my experience, there are two kinds of boys: boys that break your heart and boys that break your faith.

Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about the latter.

These days I'm in a constant state of inadequacy...feeling like no matter where I am or who I am with, I'm lacking something to contribute.

I'm the "Ms. Right Now" to every guy I meet, but I have this fear that I will never gain what I need to evolve into "Ms. Right."

I get anxious in social situations, and every time I meet a new guy I want to run away. I'm having such a hard time breaking down these barriers that I built...

I watched Nights in Rodanthe with the girls last night, and I appreciate that love can exist in movies and books. I also just finished reading Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin which was a quick read and guilty pleasure, and both of these have recently sparked some sense of emotion that gives me hope.

I still dream of lighthouses and sailboats,
so maybe not all is lost.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ramblings and scribbles.

I'm a pretty nostalgic person.

I'm halfway through the book 47 Roses which was written by an Irish author and takes place in Dublin.
Having been there, it's such an awesome experience to just read and remember the streets
and the pubs and to sympathize with the author over the high cost of beer.

Studying abroad helped develop my passion for travel, but it also made me appreciate the things at home more. Appropriate to the date (July 4th), it made me realize that despite the bad international stereotypes, I love living here. I love the luxuries that our country has to offer, and I love being driven by the one and only "American Dream."

That may sound really silly, but I remember Jensina and I talking about the sadness that surrounded the people in Wales. Well, maybe sadness isn't the right word.
It was as if they were just more in tune and accepting of their realities. Complacent. To us, this was devastating to experience.
Here you can strike up a conversation with a stranger and learn about their dreams and aspirations. Where they came from. Where the long to go. Who they long to be.
In Britain the attitude was more: This is what my life is, and I accept it. Not to say that the British don't have hopes and aspirations, they are just more realistic.

I guess in some aspects that's good, and it's what holds the stereotypes of the talkative American to be true. I mean, we're always talking, tweeting, or blogging about something, right?

I digress.

I long to settle down in the States. Fall in love. Raise a family.
All of these things one distant day in the future...

Right now, however, I'm nostalgic.

I want to hope on a plane with Katie and travel back in time to spend another day in Kilvey, our Welsh dorm. I want to wake up and open my window and smell the ocean. It was always so bright in my room.
The sun would rise and keep the light in all day, and at night I loved to watch the blinking of the lighthouse in the distance.

But semesters abroad are a unique and meant to be kept only in their allotted time frames.
It is a time when it's not about the classes you take or the grades you make.
All of a sudden the world opens up, and you have this unwritten agenda. No appointments or obligations. It's just you and what you decide to do to get you through the day.

It was lovely and all kinds of wonderful.

It was 4 months that I will never get back.
Four months that I don't need back.

But it was lovely and all kinds of wonderful.